What a million teen weddings and subsequent pregnancies look like

Are you a teen who read the Twilight books, and was inspired by the message of abstinence? Do you find solace in the series' portrayal of the creepily controlling behavior of an older man toward an easily influenced young woman? Have you found your own creepy controlling older man, and want to perhaps indulge in your hormones without the patina of sin?

If so, you're in luck, my friend! Just email your hundred year old honey the link to buy this replica of the engagement ring Edward gave to Bella (with real diamonds!), and you'll be at it like rabbits in no time.

Then all you'll have to do is get pregnant with your own demon spawn and allow it to literally kill you because you decided not to consider options like the pill, the ring, the patch, the shot, an IUD, or fucking condoms. And if you're really lucky, you might just get your own episode of 16 and Pregnant.


  1. Oh Hell Fucking Yes.

    To your post, I mean. Not the damn Twilight ring (HONESTLY!?!?!). Your post, however, made me laugh heartily.

  2. I was cringing, but the comments on the Twilight ring post served to reinstate my faith in humanity. Thank you, masses!

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Engaged teenagers and young adults! We’re looking for all ethnic backgrounds, from all walks of life and any budget level are encouraged to apply for this incredible opportunity.

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