Jesus versus Twilight

Who will win?

Yet another Twilight post

I know everyone loves Twilight and all of its iterations and movies and chat boards and on and on and on, and so I bring you this interview with Stephanie Meyer about the mental conception of Bree Tanner. Meyer says:

In the beginning, I wasn't fascinated specifically by Bree — it was the newborns in general. While I was writing Eclipse, there was a lot going on behind the scenes, of course, things Bella didn't know about. Because I was focused on Bella, I couldn't delve too deeply into the newborns' story, however, there was always in my mind a general idea of what they were up to.

Hurray more Twilight!

Dissecting fictional characters for fun and profit

Psychology is important, reader types, for mental health and enrichment. Also, though, to tell us what is up with Edward Cullen. Because seriously, what is up with Edward Cullen?

hey stipulated early on that Edward was, indeed, a vampire. But since he was supposedly 100 years old, not 17 as he appeared, his adolescent moodiness suggested arrested development.

Ah, science, how I love thee.

The Oatmeal explains Twilight, my heart explodes

I love the Oatmeal. My universe has been explained so succinctly by poorly drawn comics, and I love love love it. So the Oatmeal explaining Twilight? Game on.

What a million teen weddings and subsequent pregnancies look like

Are you a teen who read the Twilight books, and was inspired by the message of abstinence? Do you find solace in the series' portrayal of the creepily controlling behavior of an older man toward an easily influenced young woman? Have you found your own creepy controlling older man, and want to perhaps indulge in your hormones without the patina of sin?

If so, you're in luck, my friend! Just email your hundred year old honey the link to buy this replica of the engagement ring Edward gave to Bella (with real diamonds!), and you'll be at it like rabbits in no time.

Then all you'll have to do is get pregnant with your own demon spawn and allow it to literally kill you because you decided not to consider options like the pill, the ring, the patch, the shot, an IUD, or fucking condoms. And if you're really lucky, you might just get your own episode of 16 and Pregnant.

Vampires do shop at Whole Foods

An open call to Emily Colette Wilkinson: please be my friend. Although I ever so slightly mocked this conference on vampires in modern writing, and still think it is a little silly, Wilkinson has written a really amazing analysis of vampirism in the Twilight and Sookie Stackhouse books, which made my inner psuedo-academic fall in love. She writes:

Our vegetarian vampires, I think, are afflicted with the same crises of conscience that we are as first-world twenty-first century humans. We eat too much, we shop too much, we use too much fuel, water, land; we mistreat the animals on which we depend for food and the other peoples whose labor produces for us the cheap abundant goods we have all grown so used to....Contemporary vampire fiction mirrors our collective anxiety about our need for self-discipline and a return to a more humane approach to our fellow beings....From the shimmering pâleur of the vampire radiates something new and hardly otherworldly: an aura of white liberal guilt.

The whole post is absolutely worth the read, and is only the first of two. Is there such a thing as being a pop culture PhD? Because if so, I will start working on stuff like this posthaste.

Twilight returns, funds blood suckers

Stephenie Meyer wrote a new novella! Which she's giving away for free on her website! Which stars a vampire who was in Twilight! And if you do buy it, money will be donated to the Red Cross! Which I assume was picked because it's ironic to have vampirism benefit blood donation! But I'm not sure, and might be giving people too much credit!

And now I am exhausted, from that sincere level of enthusiasm.

Yes, Twilight is a writing style

This discussion of the writing style of the Twilight novels is one of the funnier discussions I've read. I know hating on Twilight has been done to death (I am especially guilty of this one), but this piece ends with my favorite comment on these books perhaps ever:

Marc: Holy [bleep], did I just stumble into actual analysis of this thing?

Say what you will about loving it or hating it--you will stumble into an actual analysis, and it will blow. Your. Mind.

Respect for others: The Twilight edition

Summit Entertainment, the god of the Twilight movies, is putting the kibosh on a documentary about Forks by Topics Entertainment, because they are also putting out a Forks documentary. Summit of course has to protect its nest egg of vampire blood, which means they must screw over other companies and, of course, the Quileute people must suffer, through the Trail of Tears of Twilight fanatics.

Twilight plus manga equals Twanga

EW got an exclusive look at a page of the forthcoming Twilight graphic novel, as well as part of an interview with Stephenie Meyer. And, yea, that's not particularly interesting, but I love love love the comments at EW. People are crazy. Go read the trainwreck!

If only our lives were more Twilight

The Onion brings to our attention a very serious problem: your vampire husband will never live up to Edward Cullen. They report:

Sara's dream husband began spending more and more time secluded in darkened alcoves with his cape drawn over his face. Before long, Andrei—once a stealthy hunter who easily stalked young and healthy prey—started feeding excessively on any slow-moving person who happened to wander by the house, and soon ballooned to almost twice his normal weight.

"When we were first married, Andrei was so dark and mysterious," Pastor said wistfully. "These days, pretty much all he does is sit around swilling blood and watching ESPN."

If only all of our lives were more Twilight.

Drawing from a classic

PW has a great article about adapting graphic novels from classics. Although the earliest adaptations were in the 1940s, they have seriously picked up steam, with traditional comic book publishers, trade publishers, and academic publishers jumping on the bandwagon.

But, as the author Ada Price writes:

But some of the biggest problems in adapting Shakespeare, as well as other classics, remain the abridgment of the text and the work's original language, which can be difficult and off-putting for modern readers.

And while editor Thomas LeBien says, "The graphic novel doesn't cannibalize sales of the original. They re-energize the originals," do we agree? Does this add to people reading classics? I liken this to the Twilight/Wuthering Heights phenomenon, in which Twilight boosted Wuthering Heights' sales. It might just make people ask if the classic is "in old english or mordern understandable english."

Life is full of regrets

Including, sadly, book regrets. Check out this list of books people regret reading. And vote yourself!

And before you say anything: I do think it says something that all of the Twilight books are in the top 5. It says that like everyone has read those books. Aspire to the top of the list, people--no one can regret reading your book if they don't read it.

Graphing literacy

I am an avid follower of GraphJam (you should be too!). And so, as we end our week together, I thought I'd share a reading venn diagram with you all.

More Twilight: You're welcome

I had a sincere desire to lay off the Twilight today (seriously!). And I was totally going to, but Geekologie ruined my resolve. So I present to you: My Life is Twilight. People write in and explain why their lives are so Twilight, and then people can vote: "Your life is SO Twilight!" or "Need to up the Twilight..."

I say this in all seriousness: universal happiness depends on reading this. And that is a maxim by which I will live my life. This is categorical imperative type shit (whatever, my Kant is weak, but you get the point).

An example:

Today I was sitting next to a boy in my science class, I suddenly touched his skin and said "you're pale white, and your skin is ice cold " turns out he was sick. MLIT

And:

Today, I decided for Christmas I will be getting my boyfriend a body wash with sparkles so when he goes out in the sun he will shimmer like Edward. MLIT.

New. Favorite. Website. Although if anyone was thinking about starting a family today, maybe this will dissuade you from eventually having teenagers.

Stop, drop and roll: Twilight is coming

Are you ready for some Twilight? ...No? Too early? Well, sack up, people—the new movie comes out Friday, and, while it may be a B-movie, the screams of Twi-hards the world round may or may not create Higgs boson particles and potentially destroy the universe (suck on that, Large Hadron Collider).

In the hopes of full preparedness, you should check out these Twilight products (kind of NSFW, unless your employers are ok with sparkly dildos and face panties). Gawker has some great stories with each product, that have scarred me for at least the rest of the day.

If these things aren't permanent enough for you, check out this HuffPo gallery of Twilight tattoos. For those of you who are avid fans of me (hi Grandma!), you'll remember I linked to a different gallery of Twilight tattoos way back in July, but never fear—I only see one tattoo overlap. And yes, there are Twilight tramp stamps (take that, word of the year).

So take a bite (hilarious!) of what's out there. And don't worry—it's kosher.